Sex and The City 2

Although I enjoyed SATC 2, I was very uncomfortable with a lot of it, especially when the Carrie & co. went to the Middle East and Charlotte's simpering. I think that your behaviour should be appropriate to where you are in the world. I also think that the stereotypes in the movie are appalling. SATC works best when the women are in NYC.

Sweeping all that aside (and it really is difficult for me to do so), I love seeing the relationship between the women (for the most part). The other characters with the exception of Mr. Big aka John James Preston (Chris Noth) are very one dimensional (this is where the series has a big edge over the movies, as you have the luxury to get to know all the characters). It's interesting to see Zaf from Spooks and Art Malik turn up.

Quick plot synopsis, such as it is:-

Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) - married two years and not liking the everydayness of it. WTF is this outfit about in the desert in Abu Dhabi?

Charlotte Goldenblatt (Kristin Davis) - so put upon with a full-time Irish nanny (there is a reason I mention her nationality) and crying because Lily put red icing handprints on her vintage skirt. Poor woman - life is so damned tough.






Miranda Hobbes (Cynthia Nixon) - never there for Brady, her boss hates her and here comes the shocker "because she's a woman".

Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall) - oh I wonder what she's obsessing over - menopause and sex of course

Then they all need a break, so Samantha manages to get them a first-class trip wangled to Abu Dhabi. There is something to be said for never turning right once you get on a plane. Bad behaviour and recriminations follow, then they wind up back in NY.

One of the most cringeworthy moments for me was when Miranda and Charlotte were going on about how bad their lives were and they toasted "the women who have no help". Patronising moos!

The Losers

First thing you must do is suspend belief (I always wonder why people say suspend disbelief). The Losers is based on a comic book. It is a revenge flick - my favourite genre. It is very, very hokey. The crack-CIA black ops team is very two dimensional, but that doesn't matter.

The first ten minutes go like this: The Losers are sent into oversee a drug lord being taken out by the CIA. They notice that a group of children are being used as drug mules and are told to continue the mission. They rescue the children. The operation goes ahead, and the children are put on the helicopter that was meant to carry The Losers away from the scene.

The helicopter explodes killing all aboard making the Losers think hmmm this was meant for us (shocker). From here they go into hiding, seeking ways to get back to the States to find Max (Jason Patric) who set them up in the first place. The plan becomes a reality when they meet Zoe Saldana (way too skinny) who promises her help. What on Earth could be her ulterior motive?

The movie moves along apace. It is exactly the right length. Typical buddy movie where they have really stupid names. It stars Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Clay (swoon, swoon, swoon), Idris Elba as Roque (Mmmmmmmmm), Chris Evans as Jansen (loved him in the Fantastic Four), Oscar Jaenada as Cougar (real ladies man), Columbus Short as Pooch (my favourite in the movie) and Zoe Saldana as Aisha (hey she's not blue). Jason Patric is a great baddie as the psychopathic Max.

The action sequences are comic book. Nothing is shown nor lingered on. The rating is 12A, but it could have easily have been 15 if scenes were extended to show the carnage. I could make an argument either way. It might have been edgier. I am still harping on about language allowed in 12A films. When did it become appropriate to swear in a 12 film?

The camera work is all quick cuts and a bit of shakiness, vomit inducing in the very beginning until it settles down or more likely you get used to it. At it's very heart, the film was fun. It wasn't trying to be deep or meaningful, just a bit of Friday night popcorn entertainment.

Frothy yes, memorable no - but so what!

The Ghost

What a wonderfully old-fashioned fan in the best sense of the word. Imagine if you will a film where scenes play out without without NYPD Blue stylee cuts and jerky camera work. A film that allows the story to develop at a moderate pace and leaves you guessing until the end. A film that requires your full attention. A film with a musical score that isn't intrusive and doesn't blast your ears off. A film that rachets up the tension and pressure until the end. A film that is directed with skill and style and harks back to Hitchcock, especially North by Northwest - a man who finds himself in a situation not of his making nor under his control. A film where Ewan McGregor shows his butt - AGAIN - it must be in his contract.

The Ghost is based on the novel by Robert Harris, who also wrote the screenplay. He had the seed of an idea idea years before TonyBlair got himself into trouble, but once the idea was bandied about of bringing Blair to trial for war crimes, Harris' novel took concrete form.

Pierce Brosnan is former British Prime Minister Adam Lang. Brosnan is his normal competent self and Ewan McGregor is very good and very funny in some places. The star of the film however is Olivia Williams as Ruth, Adam Lang's wife. She steals every scene she is in. Jim Belushi was unrecognisable for a few minutes to me and Kim Cattrall is the private secretary in more ways than one. Kim's accent is bizarre. I know she's British, but her accent seemed so exaggerated, like someone who forgot how to be natural. She is a bit wooden and pseudo sexy - all tight skirts and no real sex appeal.

The scene is Cape Cod in winter - rainy and dreary in the way London is during February. The setting is a retreat that Adam Lang is holed up whilst his memoirs are written. EMcG is only ever known as the Ghost. He is ghost writing AL's memoirs because the last ghostwriter was found washed up on the beach.

Was it suicide or did he find out something about AL that got him killed.
One of my favourite lines in the movie after EMcG realises he is probably in danger - "I don't want to wash up on the beach. That won't happen, it's already happened once, he can't drown all of you, you're not kittens" or words to that effect. I realise everyone won't think that's funny, but it appeals to my offbeat sense of humour.

Sometimes, you can't see the woods for the trees!

Excellent movie - Polanski on form and when you realise that he edited the fim from an edit suite in prison, it is an even better achievement.

9

"When 9 first comes to life, he finds himself in a post-apocalyptic world where all humans are gone, and it is only by chance that he discovers a small community of others like him taking refuge from fearsome machines that roam the earth intent on their extinction. Despite being the neophyte of the group, 9 convinces the others that hiding will do them no good. They must take the offensive if they are to survive, and they must discover why the machines want to destroy them in the first place. As they'll soon come to learn, the very future of civilization may depend on them." - IMDB

Opened today and the only reason I went to see it was because Up was full. I will go and see Up when the kids are back in school next week and I have a day off. I went to an 11:00 showing. The cinema was very quiet (except of course Up which was full). When I came out, there were families everywhere and a queue snaking out the door. I can just imagine what yesterday was like when it is half price Tuesday.

Anyway back to 9. I am not a fan of Tim Burton's work except for Batman. He was the producer on this film, but his influence is all over the movie. When I first saw the trailer, the first thing I said to the boyfriend was "This is a Tim Burton movie", and it transpired on trailer that he was producing it. While I think that what he does is very, very clever. He can invoke dark, nightmarish atmospheres like no one else except Guillermo del Toro. I can appreciate the imagination and I would think that the animators love working with him.

This movie is one of those machines turning against mankind cautionary tales that is very bleak when we first enter the world, then slowly "humanity" shines through. The one thing I am really tired of is the juxtaposition of using Judy Garland's "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" against a nightmarish scene. The same thing was done in Face Off and I'm sure other movies as well. As soon as the song came on, I thought no good could come of it.

There is redemption and hope as well. I would really love to hear from people who like Tim Burton movies and who like this one.

3D V 2D Part Deux

I am not a 3D fan. 3D movies make my head hurt after a while. They are great as the occasional treat, but not a steady diet. It's like eating sweets all the time, your teeth will rot. Sometimes I feel like my head will rot. I've already mentioned in part 1 the poor mums who have to do this with their kids to see the newest Disney princess.

What I haven't mentioned and my huge pet hate is retro-fitted 3D - think Alice in Wonderland and Clash Of the Titans 3BloodyD. Alice in Wonderland wasn't a bad film and it should have been a great Tim Burton vision. It would have been visually stunning in 2D - the costumes, the characters, the Tim Burton weirdness, etc. But in 3D, it was just annoying. I kept taking off the glasses as I wasn't engaged and the movie is long which is always worse. I remember going to see the Polar Express at the Imax - those freaky eyes and motion capture. I left with a raging headache. Plus it had Tom Hanks in it. Can't bear his movies, but that's another story. Enough to make me run screaming from the cinema (except that an Imax cinema is impressive in scale and scope).

Anyhoo, I haven't seen Clash of the Titans yet because you normally get a 3D and a 2D option, but not it appears on this movie. I loved the original Clash Of the Titans *mourns the non-use of Bubo in 2010 version*. I may bite the bullet this weekend and go anyway because it really is a big screen movie, no matter how bad it is.

Take Avatar, and quite frankly I wish someone would. It was visually absolutely stunning. You could see James Cameron's vision all over the screen, but the story was sooo hokey! Conceived and filmed in 3D, he knew what he wanted and waited until the technology caught up. 2 3/4 hours is a helluva vision, but you have to admire his tenacity and budget.

Anyway I digress - I usually do.

The Turin Shroud is being displayed for six weeks after Easter, and you'll never guess what is being sold to view it with - yep 3D glasses. They are being sold for £1.80 a pair. They probably picked them up from Cineworld. Apparently they aid the visual. I'm sure they are collected on the way out thereby maximising profit and conning people into thinking they are helping the environment by recycling. Of course Catholic church authorities have condemned this, but then what don't they condemn - oh yes the molestation of children by priests.

One thing for sure, I won't be lining up to pay my money to a) see the Shroud or b) pick up a pair of 3D glasses on the way in. Happy viewing!

3D V 2D Pt. 1

Written September 2009.

-------------

I have heard the argument from the film industry for the past few years that they must do something about the increased piracy. Their answer - 3D films for kids and some for adults as well. Fine and dandy, except there is a 3D "uplift" charge.

I went to the cinema today and have an unlimited cinema card. This used to include everything including 3D glasses, although in the two years I have had my card I have only ever seen two or three 3D films. The ticket clerk told me that there was a 3D uplift charge to see The Final Destination. She said there was a letter if I would like to see it. I wanted to, but she coiuldn't find it. I said, but I have my glasses from the last time. She said, it is not to cover the cost of the glasses, it is to cover the fact that the technology for 3D is so much more expensive than 2D. I told her it was the cinemas decision to show 3D films. Most of the multiplex had 3D and 2D versions running almost every hour. I decided to pass as I had already seen The Final Destination in 2D last week.

But I walked into the other movie very angry indeed. Not for me, but for the parents of children who now want to see movies have to fork out an extra £1.50 per ticket per movie to pay for the technology. Surely by now, this has all been paid for. Children's movies are big business, especially during the school holidays.

How does 3D combat video piracy when you have a 2D version on the next screen? And why oh why do they not make two sizes of glasses - one for adults and one for children).

What do you think about the extra charge? Is it warranted that we the cinema-going public should pay for the upgrading of facilities every time we go to the cinema. Surely the admission price is what the cinema needs to cover costs and make a healthy profit.

I am definitely disgusted in Kent.

Lesbian Vampire Killers

Are they:-

Lesbians that kill vampires
Lesbian vampires that kill
Killers of Lesbian Vampires
Killer Lesbian of vampires

None of the above, all of the above?

It sounds fun, but I know from bitter experience things that sound so, ain't necessarily.

I didn't go and see it in the cinema in the end. It has now been on Sky, and I made the right decision.

Kick-Ass

A movie with a child in it, but definitely not for children. It is a 15 certificate and for a very good reason. There is lots of swearing and violence in it.

I absolutely loved it. There are cinema references to James Bond, Kill Bill, Spiderman, comic books in general, Scarface, X-Men, Enter The Dragon and Batman.

The movie opens with a question - Why do ordinary people never want to become superheroes (or words to that effect).

Dave Lezewski has no super powers except the ability to be invisible to girls. Dave is tired of people turning away when others are getting beat up and more importantly of getting his things stolen from the local high school/drug bullies. He dons a comic outfit and becomes Kick-Ass. The first time he goes out, he gets his ass well and truly kicked and becomes desensitised to pain. You would think this would stop him, but oh no, this is just the beginning...


As is usual these days, Kick-Ass' attack is filmed, put up on YouTube, seen by millions, becomes a celebrity cult star and attracts the attention of crime fighting duo Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage) and Hit Girl/Mindy. Big Daddy has a history with Frank D'Amico (the always wonderful, never, ever equalled evil Mark Strong). There are assorted supporting characters including Frank's son Chris/Red Mist (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) who wants more attention from his father, with a very cool car and even better costume. Did I mention how great Mark Strong is?

There has been a lot made of the fact that this movie is a 15 and could even have had an 18 rating. For those of you who know your movies, I'll give you one reference to illustrate part of why the movie has a 15 rating - the Crazy 88s scene in Kill Bill - Vol. I.

Hit Girl is a very sweary 11 year, who is damned good with weapons. Be warned, she does kill people (a lot of them) and this is off putting and won't be to everyone's taste. You have to put it all into the comic book context which is where Kick-Ass originated. The director is Matthew Vaughn, who also directed Layer Cake.

I was going to direct you to the Parent's BBFC website, but I just did a search and there is nothing up yet for Kick-Ass.

A quote I heard last week sums it up, just because there are kids in it, does not mean that it's a movie for kids.

The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas

I was moved to tears by the film, and although the movie was over half an hour ago, my heart is still breaking. My boys came in at different times and asked what was wrong. I told them. I also told them that it was essential that they watched the film, but that was probably the wrong thing to say (children usually want to do the opposite of what their parents wants them to. They also saw my reaction, so they know it will be harrowing). I will let them come to the film naturally.

I agree that David Thewlis was excellent, but I thought that both boys were excellent in their own ways as well. Bruno was very naive, but then he was eight, so there was no reason that he shouldn't be. His mother didn't even know exactly what was going on in the camps, and when she found out, over the rest of the movie, she disintegrated before our eyes.

Schmol was deadened by what he saw in the camps, and he was physically weak from lack of food. He was also eight, and could not possibly comprehend all that was happening in his world.

I found it a very difficult and worthwhile film to watch. I do not feel the need to revisit it, the same as I have only ever watched Schindler's List and the Departed once (different types of films that provoked really strong emotional responses in me). I think that repeated viewings dull the initial, gut reaction.

See it when you get the chance, but have the tissues ready.

Zombieland

I saw this on Sunday, and it easily the funniest movie I have seen this year.

It is basically a buddy road movie. The "buddies" have two different quests. Columbus is a loner who wants to get home to his family. He lives by his rules which have kept him from being caught by zombies.

Rule 1: Cardio
Rule 2: Beware of Bathrooms
Rule 3: Seatbelts
Rule 4: Doubletap
and on and on it goes. Each rule is demonstrated to hilarious effects.

Tallahassee is Woody Harrelson at his irreverent best. His quest is to get somewhere. But more importantly, his quest is to find an edible Twinkie. One of the funnier moments, and there are literally loads of them is when he comes across a Hostess (company that makes Twinkies) delivery truck, opens it up and finds Snoballs. Tallahassee thinks the way I do - Snoballs are gross and certainly not worth the effort.

Along the way, they meet Little Rock and Witchita who have their own quest to get to Paradise Playland "the only place where there are no Zombies". The journey is so funny, that I found myself crying with laughter in places. The movie is a compact 87 minutes, so there is no time to waste.

There is a sequence that is so funny, that if you know what it is, please do not spoil it for others. I knew what it was, but it actually didn't matter to me. When it came, I ROFLMAO.

Please, please if you get the chance see this movie. Yes it's gory in a Shaun of the Dead way, zombies get killed in a variety of ways, some funny, some very bloody, but you will not even notice that because you can barely see the screen for the tears.

Go, go now!

Love Happens

Been cinemaing again. Finally saw a good movie. Those of you that read my cinema posts know that I like chick flicks and revenge films amongst others. Love Happens is obviously the former.

"Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Aniston star in the romantic drama Love Happens. When a self-help author arrives in Seattle to teach a sold-out seminar, he unexpectedly meets the one person who might finally be able to help him help himself. Dr. Burke Ryan (Eckhart) is on the precipice of a major multimedia deal, but the therapist who asks his patients to openly confront their pain is secretly unable to take his own advice. Eloise Chandler (Aniston) has sworn off men and decided to focus on her floral business. However, when she meets Burke at the hotel where hes speaking, there is an instant attraction. But will two people who have met the right person at exactly the wrong time be able to give love another chance? As each struggles with the hurt of love and loss, they realize that in order to move forward, they need to let go of the past." -IMDB

Aaron and Jennifer are both very good in this and convey their emotions well. I even felt a tear well up in a few places, but more importantly I laughed a few times. The movie seemed very old fashioned to me, but in a good way. They took this relationship slowly, and I enjoyed the unfolding of the story. There was chemistry between them which is always a bonus when you feel that these movies are normally cast in the he's box office and she's box office, let's throw them together.

I wanted to see Up, but far too many children around the cinema to even contemplate. It will still be out in a few weeks and I will go and see in 2D, not 3.

Creation

A dramatisation of Charles Darwin's struggle to write The Origin of Species. Paul Bettany in the lead role as a man who has lost his faith when his 10 year old daughter Anna dies. She continually haunts his dreams in this movie. Jennifer Connelly plays his wife, who has incredibly strong religious beliefs.

I found it very slow, although I thought it was beautifully shot. The time release photography was amazing, but I didn't feel I gained any insight in to Charles Darwin.

I'm having a bit of a bad run at the movies right now. Hope it gets better soon.

Fame

Remake.

No character development whatsoever
cliched characters
characters whose names I do not remember
rubbish music
end production number regrettable

DO NOT BOTHER!

The Hurt Locker

The Hurt Locker is directed by Kathryn Bigelow, who specialises in edgy, "man" movies - Point Break (loved it), Near Dark (I didn't like it as much as everyone else seemed to and I love a good vampire flick, maybe I'll revisit it), Strange Days (love Ralph Fiennes and and Angela Bassett in this), Blue Steel (memorable for Ron Silver's chilling performance), plus a few episodes of Homocide: Life on the Street and the New Order: Substance video.

I "felt" the movie and I think that is the right word because it was like being immersed in this small unit and their last few weeks just trying to survive their job. The jerky camera style which I hate was instrumental for this movie because you needed to lose yourself in it. The genius of this movie is that you don't get any messages about whether war is good or bad, right or wrong, you just get a sense of the futileness of their task, and how it does not matter how many IEDs they defuse, there are always more. The boyfriend and I had a long talk on the bus back home about the movie and a wider ranging discussion about "war".

So I would recommend it because it's not gory in that I'm going to show you people being blown up in slow motion so you can see all the blood and guts coming out at you because I can type movie. And I hate those type of movies. You might get seasick from the filming style though. It makes you think, and that is always a good thing to take away from a film.

District 9

Plot:"In 1990, a massive star ship bearing a bedraggled alien population, nicknamed "The Prawns," appeared over Johannesburg, South Africa. Twenty years later, the initial welcome by the human population has faded. The refugee camp where the aliens were located has deteriorated into a militarized ghetto called District 9, where they are confined and exploited in squalor. In 2010, the munitions corporation, Multi-National United, is contracted to forcibly evict the population with operative Wikus van der Merwe in charge. In this operation, Wikus is exposed to a strange alien chemical and must rely on the help of his only two new 'Prawn' friends." - IMDB

Very politically savvy movie. You could have substituted immigrants/refugees for the aliens and it would have been just as relevant. The humans came across as stupid. The aliens came across as confused. I think I missed bits. i don't understand why the aliens who obviously were intelligent (or maybe their leaders were) would live in the squalor they were subjected to. I don't think that every alien that comes down to Earth wants to rule the world, but I don't think they want to live like pigs either. Maybe there was a grander plan (and I missed it), entirely possible. The aliens obviously had superior firepower - why not use it?

What I did like:-

Wikus' love for his wife
very political
attempted vivisection scene
there are some very, very funny scenes
Christopher's son
mercenary getting his comeuppance
Cat food scam
interspecies sex (allegedly)

What I hated:-

God save me from mockumentaries
Shooting, shooting and more shooting
bleakness

the worst sin of all, it did not entertain me (I can forgive most things).

500 Days of Summer

If you are the target group for this, I would say 20s-early 30s, you will probably like this. I do not fall into that group, and found it dull until near the end. Give me Zooey's sister Emily in Bones any day. Zooey appears fragile to me and Emily is strong.

Plot: "After it looks as if she's left his life for good this time, Tom Hansen reflects back on the just over one year that he knew Summer Finn. Despite being physically average in almost every respect, Summer had always attracted the attention of men, Tom included. For Tom, it was love at first sight when she walked into the greeting card company where he worked, she the new administrative assistant. Soon, Tom knew that Summer was the woman with whom he wanted to spend the rest of his life. Although Summer did not believe in relationships or boyfriends - in her assertion, real life will always ultimately get in the way - Tom and Summer became more than just friends. Through the trials and tribulations of Tom and Summer's so-called relationship, Tom could always count on the advice of his two best friends, McKenzie and Paul. However, it is Tom's adolescent sister, Rachel, who is his voice of reason. After all is said and done, Tom is the one who ultimately has to make the choice to listen or not." - IMDB

The movie was very wishy washy and not a lot happened - just like life at times. The movie had music I didn't particularly appreciate except the older stuff. There were two characters is I did like and that was Rachel - Tom's younger sister and Paul (Matthew Gray Gubler) who plays Dr. Spencer Reid in Criminal Minds. The movie drifts along showning key moments out of sequence in Tom and Summer's relationship.

Towards the end, I thought it was more a story about two people at different points in their life. Summer says she does not want a serious relationship because she has not found the person she wants to spend her life with. Tom on the other hand has found in Summer exactly who he wants to spend his life with. Their "tug of war" goes backwards and forwards until of course somehting has to give.

Tom finally follows Rachel's advice.

It is supposed to be a "post-modern romance" - fine for some, but dull for me.

The Final Destination

I really, really enjoyed this film. It is 3D, but we saw it in 2D. We may go back and see in 3D. I love the ingenious ways of killing people. This time it starts in a motor speedway where there are racing cars. There is a group of four, one happy couple and one jerk and his girlfriend who is quite nice. One of the guys gets a premonition of the deaths, and herds his friends and others out of the speedway just before the worse happens. People then start dying - the most funny of which is the redneck racist who decides that the black security guard is to blame for him not being able to go back in and getting his wife. He drives up to the security guard's house intending on putting a burning cross on his lawn, plus do other things. The radio comes on and plays "Why Can't We Be Friends". We were laughing hysterically at his death as I was at the stupid guy's death.

The movie is very short, less than 90 minutes and will not take up much of your life and you will not think about it much afterwards, and there are nods to the other films, but as a B movie that doesn't really have an ounce of fat in it, except for a few Vantage Point moments in it which helped the movie not be just an hour (82 minutes in total).

If you like the other Final Destination movies, see it. My favourite is still the first one for the sheer surprise when the plane exploded and the girl was hit by the bus.

GI Joe: Rise Of the Cobra

Went to see this this afternoon. Teenage boys will love it. I decided, not really my sort of film, but will give myself over to the experience and just watch the film, not for production values, story, etc, but just to see what develops.

I enjoyed it. It is the old fashioned summer action blockbuster - some humour, special effects, handsome men and women in the lead roles - although Siena Miller in this has the emotional range of a piece of wood.

GI Joe - think toys and Hasbro come to life. Special missions, great technology, really loud, 2 dimensional love interests.

I cannot complain, well I could but I won't. It entertained me.

The Time Traveler's Wife

So romantic! I took the boyfriend who liked it, but thought certain parts didn't make sense. Won't tell you those because it would give away plot points. I am one of the few people who saw the movie without having read the book first. Book may well be better than the movie, but I wouldn't be able to tell you. That makes me a Time Traveler's virgin.

The story centres around Henry and Clare. Henry is a the Time Traveller. He visits Clare regularly from the time that she is a little girl and tells her about their life together. When Clare first meets Henry in a library, she can barely contain herself. They eventually get married. The movie shows Henry Time Travellng - funniest for me was when an older version of Henry turned up to his own wedding when younger Henry time travelled out of the situation (not intentionally - he cannot control when he time travels although alcohol makes it more likely he will travel).

Clare for the most part is very good natured about the time travelling and it amazes me how many people they let into the secret, but if you want to enjoy the movie then you need to suspend belief anyway.

Rachel McAdams is brilliant. She has such a bright, sunny face and I have loved her since the Notebook (makes me cry everytime I see it). Eric Bana puts in a more reserved performance as Henry, but he is no less sexy nor romantic for it.

As I frequently say, I love a good chick flick and for me this is the most romantic movie I have seen in a long time and I cannot wait to read the book.

I don't know how people who have read the book will take to the movie because I know people really, really love the book.

If you haven't read the book, see it. If you have read the book, give the movie a chance.

Bruno

I went this afternoon, and I must say that Sacha Baron Cohen doesn't just tread a fine line, he tramples all over it. It is so rude and so so crude that I found myself blushing in places. Bruno is the host of the most important fashion show in the German speaking world except Germany - so Austria basically. Bruno messes up and gets fired from the show and decides that he will go to Los Angeles and become famous. He tries to get into movies and TV and fails. He then decides to take up a charity. He then goes to the Middle East and confuses houmus with Hamas, tries to get himself kidnapped, then nips off to Africa and adopts a baby he calls OJ. He renounces his sexuality, goes hunting with rednecks, has an experience with swingers, and becomes Straight Dave. And on and on it goes - relentlessly!

I forgot to mention that Bruno's lover is a short airline steward - the things they get up to give the film it's deserved 18 rating. I cannot say this strongly enough. It is a very adult comedy that deserves it's 18 certificate.

If none of the above appeals to you, then do not go and see it. There were some seriously inappropriate jokes. The audience I was with laughed hilariously. And I have to admit, so did I. It gets really dull halfway through and I fell asleep - no change there, but it does pick up 3/4 of the way through.

It will be like Marmite, you will either love it or hate it - no halfway house here.

Red Cliff

I went to see this today and it a beautiful, beautiful film about the art of war, understanding the natural elements and having some incredibly crafty and canny people on your side. The cinematography is lush. The music is wonderful and really ratchets up the tension. If you do not like war movies (and this isn't in the Crouching Tiger style - people don't run across rooftops or twirl around in battle). John Woo is the director and instead of his classic scene of doves in every movie, there is one or it is a seagull (the cleanest one I've ever seen).

"In 208 A.D., in the final days of the Han Dynasty, shrewd Prime Minster Cao Cao convinced the fickle Emperor Han the only way to unite all of China was to declare war on the kingdoms of Xu in the west and East Wu in the south. Thus began a military campaign of unprecedented scale, led by the Prime Minister, himself. Left with no other hope for survival, the kingdoms of Xu and East Wu formed an unlikely alliance. Numerous battles of strength and wit ensued, both on land and on water, eventually culminating in the battle of Red Cliff. During the battle, two thousand ships were burned, and the course of Chinese history was changed forever." - IMDB

Go and see it if you have a spare 2 1/2 hours.

The Mist

"Everyone thought of it as a harmless lightning storm. When Dave Drayton notices a strange mist on the lake, he thinks nothing of it. When his son, Billy Drayton, his neighbor Brent Norton, and himself travel to the supermarket, the unthinkable happens." - IMDB

I thought this was going to be just another light horror movie about natural elements.

How wrong I was. This is a very, very good psychological horror movie with some really hokey physical horror bits. The creature in the mist is real enough, but the joy in this movie is watching what happens when you coup up a group of people together in a space. Very claustrophobic atmosphere and you can feel the menace and how easy it is to manipulate group dynamics.

The ending is heartbreakting and not at all what you would expect.

I loved it. It combines supernatural horror, conspiracy theory and B movie all in one. It is on Sky at the moment. Catch it if you can.

Wanted

"A frustrated office worker learns that he is the son of a professional assassin, and that he shares his father's superhuman killing abilities." - IMDB

I guess that is as simple as it gets. The plot is convoluted and the dialogue is hysterical. I was bored for the first half hour and dumbfounded for the next hour.

Angelina Jolie, James McAvoy, Morgan Freeman - stupid script, stupid plot about the Fraternity and the Loom of Life or the Weave or something equally stupid.

So in short, stupid, stupid, stupid or Unwanted!

Star Trek

I saw this on a preview at my local cinema this afternoon (the cinema was half full for a 14:20 show).

My first reaction was how many Star Trek movies can one person sit through.

All the characters are there - James T. Kirk, Spock the Younger (Sylar from Heroes) and Spock the Elder (Leonard flipping Nimoy), Uhura, Simon Pegg as Scotty (OMG brilliant casting) - he has a sidekick that looks like a munchkin version of the creature from the black lagoon, Sulu, Chekov and last but certainly not least Dr. Bones McCoy.

The story was very, very confusing at first (well until 3/4 of the way through - we gave up and decided to just give ourselves over to it). It centres on the time space continuum (or my interpretation of it). It begins with Kirk's father taking over the U.S.S. Enterprise after the captain is killed by Nero (wonderfully played and tattooed Eric Bana. I don't like tattoos, but I would so do him as Nero. Sorry, I really do digress). Kirk goes down with the first Enterprise whilst his wife is giving birth to James Tiberius Kirk on a shuttle leaving the scene.

We then move into the meat of the story which is James T. Kirk meeting all his future mates as mentioned above. Nero is wreaking havoc and sends Spock into a tailspin. The movie has some amazing special effects, great looking ships, humour (we laughed throughout), a surprising relationship. It was a great two hour adventure that kept up the pace throughout.

I am not a trekkie although I do remember the original TV series and the movies that followed.

Live long and prosper and go see this movie!

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

Well here's my latest chick flick.

Loved it, predictable to the last, but after a weekend fest of movies - The Uninvited, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and State of Play - I needed something light to lift my spirits.

It starts Matthew Mahoganey (sorry McConaughey) as a photographer who will not get close to women and will definitely not commit. Matthew is so low that he even breaks up with three women at once via conference call - when he finishes, he tells them that he is going to log off, but they should feel free to continue the conversation.

Jennifer Garner is his Achilles heel. The movie is an interesting take on the Christmas Carol. He gets visits from the ghosts of Girlfriends Past, Present and Future. These lead to some hilarious flashbacks of what he was like.

There is a special guest appearance/s from his uncle Michael Douglas who has now totally transformed into Kirk Douglas.

I don't think it's giving away too much to say that at the end of the movie, the guy gets the girl and they live happily ever after (at least in moviedom).

Light, frothy and frivolous - perfect Bank Holiday Monday entertainment.

The Uninvited

The movie opens with a dream sequence from Anna (Emily Browning), about the night her mother died. When Anna related the dream to a doctor in the mental hospital where she's confined, he pronounces her well on the road to recovery and sends her home to her family. While she's happy to see her father (David Strathairn) and sister Alex (Arielle Kebbel), Anna immediately locks horns with Rachael (Elizabeth Banks), her father's fiancee. It seems that only about a year ago, Anna's mother was dying of some lingering disease and Rachael was her nurse ... and a mysterious fire killed Anna's mother. Anna can't remember what exactly happened on the night of the fire, and no one else seems to know. The suspense is focused on just how wicked Rachael might be, and what the two sisters can do to find out the truth. In addition, Anna has supernatural and gruesome dreams ... but maybe they're not dreams at all.

It is based on a south Korean movie called A Tale of Two Sisters. Someone in Hollywood is trawling all the Asian horror movies for ideas. The movie has the jump moments, a few bits of gore, but I thought the tension builds nicely to an interesting climax. It is only 87 minutes, so there are no extraneous scenes. I am starting to enjoy seeing horror movies that aren't torture porn and will seek out more of these.

State Of Play

Russell Crowe is an investigative newspaper report and Ben Affleck stars as a high flying senator who used to be Russell Crowe's roommate in college. There is a theory with Russell Crowe that the more serious the role, the more weight he puts on - think the Insider. He isn't particularly in shape for this movie, so I think that he thinks it's a serious role.

Basically Ben Affleck's research assistant is pushed in front of a train although it is initially thought to be suicide. She was the researcher on the investigation about a defense contracts company. They stand to lose millions nay billions of pounds, so of course this is worth killing over. Rachel McAdams also stars as a blogger for the newspaper who stumbles onto part of the story.

Helen Mirren is the editor of the paper who runs around saying w*nker, bloody this and bloody that and all other manner of British expletives.

It was intense for about an hour, then I found it fizzled out. I don't rate Russell Crowe at the best of tmes. He is up there with Tom Hanks and Tom Cruise for me - people I normally avoid in movies.

The one person I did like in this movie and have like in all her movies since the Princess Bride and before when she used to be in General Hospital (American daytime soap opera) is Robin Wright Penn.

2 1/2 stars from me.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

I liked it, but I thought the movie was eminently forgettable. Huge Action has a lovely chest and great "knives". I do like Liev Shreiber as Sabretooth and think he is a lot more interesting than Wolverine. I thought the love story was dull. The other X-Men that turn up are good and there will be more back stories to exploit as movies, but this doesn't mean that they should be.

The Haunting in Connecticut

It was an old-fashioned horror movie. People appearing out of nowhere, things going bump in the night, etc. No unnecessary gore. If you like movies, like Hostel and Saw, you won't think this is scary enough for you. But if you just want to be scared in your seat, this is perfect 100 minutes of entertainment.

From IMDB - "Based on a true story, The Haunting in Connecticut charts one family's real-life encounter with the dark forces of the supernatural. When the Campbell family moves to upstate Connecticut, they soon learn that their charming Victorian home has a disturbing history: not only was the house a transformed funeral parlor where inconceivable acts occurred, but the owner's clairvoyant son Jonah served as a demonic messenger, providing a gateway for spiritual entities to crossover. Now unspeakable terror awaits when Jonah, the boy who communicated with the dead, returns to unleash horror on the innocent and unsuspecting family."

Crank 2: High Voltage

WTF was I thinking. Oh yes I kinow - Jason Statham.

I had never heard of Crank 1. Now I know why.

Without doubt, one of the worst films I have ever seen. Even tops Zardoz.

There is not one redeeming feature to this movie, not one!

Everyone associated with this film should be thoroughly ashamed.

*Hangs head in shame*

Monsters vs. Aliens

I wasn't impressed. No. 2 son was. He is 11.

I do like a good kid's movie and I didn't think this was one.

Government collecting and locking up aliens for years. Aliens come to town. Government cannot stop them. Government let the monsters loose on the aliens. Monsters defeat aliens. Big aliens come along. Monsters defeat them. Close to the end. I am bored.

3D effects ok, but I do not agree with having to pay extra for the glasses for boy. I have Unlimited card, so do not pay extra.

Small kids will like it.

The Boat That Rocked

I enjoyed this film very, very much. I laughed in the right places- more than I thought I would and even shed a tear or three.

The Boat That Rocked is a comedy in which the romance takes place between the young people of the '60s and pop music. It's about a band of rogue DJs - old and young - that captivated Britain, playing the music that defined a generation and standing up to a government that thought rock and roll was evil.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman plays The Count, who believes in getting the music to the public in all circumstances. He is never less than good in every role he portrays.

Bill Nighy plays Quentin, the boss of Radio Rock - the pirate radio station in the middle of the North Sea. Bill is always really good (you can always tell he is having a wonderful time, especially in Richard Curtis movies).

There are a cast of individual DJs led by Gavin (Rhys Irfans).

On the other side of the coin is a government minister played by Kenneth Brannagh (suitably government - square - looking) and he is backed up by a minister called Twatt (many jokes from that name) who are trying to shut down Radio Rock.

Richard Curtis wrote and directed this. Like all Richard Curtis movies it is about 15 minutes too long. Richard does know how to tug on the heart strings and he knows his music. I like the way RC shows the affect of what the subject of the movie is on others. Love Actually - the hugs in the airport that had me in tears of joy. In TBTR, you get multiple scenes of different people listening to Radio Rock that would have brought back memories to anyone during the 60s who listened to Radio Caroline either in secret (usually as a child in bed) or with their friends as if this were some decadent activity.

Knowing

Interesting film with Nic Cage.

Nic Cage is a professor at MIT who opens a time capsule that has been dug up at his son's elementary school. He doesn't initially understand what it means, but in the time honoured movie way - the maths geek eventually figures out the meaning. In it are some chilling predictions, some that have already occurred and others that are about to. |

He then goes on an interesting journey to prevent some of these events which are scheduled to happen within next few days, until he figures out the true meaning of the numbers.

The movie certainly follows through to the conclusion that you think would happen if this were true without resorting to a soppy, American style ending. It has also been said that this is an M. Night Shymalan film that he hasn't written, and it certainly had that feel about it.

All I can say if burning mooses (meese?) and Close Encounters...